Parshat Balak - Feeling Unwanted

 BH

Parshat Balak opens with Balak’s fear of the Jewish people and his recruitment of the sorcerer Bila’am to curse them. Already in their first interaction, Hashem sets the stage for a deeper lesson about human perception and the spiritual tests we all face.

“Who Are These People?”

When Bila’am invites the messengers of Balak to stay overnight so he can hear Hashem’s response, Hashem appears to him in a dream and asks, “Who are these people with you?” (Bamidbar 22:9). The question is striking. Doesn’t Hashem already know?

Rashi explains that Hashem was luring Bila’am into error—creating an opening for Bila’am to think that not everything is visible to Hashem at all times. Bila’am takes the bait. He thinks: if Hashem asks questions, maybe there are moments when He’s unaware. And if Hashem isn’t watching constantly, perhaps there are gaps—windows where curses can slip through undetected.

This perceived lapse leads Bila’am to believe that he might succeed in cursing the Jewish people. But even more significantly, it leads him to feel that he is not important in Hashem’s eyes.

“I May Not Be Important to You…”

In the very next verse (22:10), Bila’am responds to Hashem’s question by declaring that Balak, king of Moav, has sent for him. Rashi comments: Bila’am is saying, “Even if I am not significant in Your eyes, I am important in the eyes of kings.” But where did this come from? Hashem never said Bila’am wasn’t important. Why would Bila’am assume this?

This is a classic psychological mechanism. When a person feels overlooked or unacknowledged, even if it’s just their own perception, they often become defensive or lash out. Just like in modern-day tensions between different sectors of society—where one group might say “You think we’re not important” when no such accusation was made—Bila’am projects his own insecurity.

Why? Because he interpreted Hashem’s question as a sign of distance. If Hashem didn’t know who was with Bila’am—or pretended not to know—it must mean Hashem didn’t really care. And if Hashem doesn’t care, then Bila’am concludes that he is insignificant. That sense of insignificance triggers Bila’am’s need to assert his worth: “Kings think I’m important.”

The Smash of the Keter

Rebbe Nachman, in Likutey Moharan Lesson 24, explains a powerful concept that sheds light on Bila’am’s test. Every person on their spiritual journey faces a barrier called the Keter, the crown. The Keter represents the highest level of Divine light—so high, in fact, that it cannot be grasped directly. It pushes a person back before allowing access. The Zohar refers to this as a betisha, a smashing setback.

This pushback is not a rejection—it’s a test. It’s designed to see how we respond when we feel distant from Hashem. Will we keep yearning, trusting, and moving forward? Or will we lash out, fall into despair, or conclude—as Bila’am did—that Hashem doesn’t care?

The illusion that Hashem is absent is itself the test of the Keter. Those who pass it are those who remain strong in their emunah, who don’t let the silence shake them. But those who interpret silence as abandonment fall into bitterness and spiritual collapse

Tragically, Bila’am chose ego and resentment over humility and faith

The Test of Setback and the Inner Cry

Rebbe Nachman teaches that setbacks in life—moments where it feels like Hashem is distant or inattentive—are not punishments. They are spiritual tests designed to draw out a person’s deepest longing for closeness to Hashem. This is the essence of the Keter test: the pushback, the silence, the confusion—these are all invitations to respond not with despair, but with yearning.

In Bila’am’s case, Hashem deliberately created a scenario of uncertainty. When He asked Bila’am, “Who are these men with you?” it was a test—lehat’oto, to mislead him. Bila’am failed. Instead of saying, “Hashem must be testing me—He knows all, of course,” Bila’am took the bait. He assumed Hashem didn’t know, didn’t care, and therefore concluded he was unimportant. His response, “I may not be important in Your eyes, but I’m important in the eyes of kings,” shows his inner collapse.

What Bila’am Should Have Said

Had Bila’am passed the test, he would have responded differently: “Even if I feel distanced, I know You are still watching over me. Even if I don’t see the closeness, I choose to believe in it.” This is what Rebbe Nachman calls the proper response to the smash-back: not anger or abandonment, but the activation of ratzon—a deep desire and cry for closeness to Hashem.

The person under trial doesn’t say, “Hashem doesn’t want me.” Instead, he cries out, “All I want is to come close to You, Hashem! Even though I feel pushed away, I won’t leave. I still want You.” That cry—pure, broken, honest—is what the Keter test is designed to reveal.

Bila’am didn’t cry out. He didn’t plead for connection. He concluded he was unworthy, and turned to seek significance elsewhere.

The Test of Every Jew

This wasn’t just Bila’am’s test. It’s every Jew’s test.

In moments of darkness—emotional, spiritual, or circumstantial—it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking, “Hashem must not care. He must not be watching. Otherwise, why would He let this happen?” But this thought is the test itself.

Rebbe Nachman teaches that if you can hold firm and believe that Hashem is present even in the silence, then the setback itself becomes the vessel for infinite light. The Keter, which first appears as a wall, transforms into a channel of hope, clarity, and renewal.

The Illusion of Distance

Hashem allowed Bila’am to experience the illusion of distance so that his true inner stance would emerge. Tragically, Bila’am chose ego and resentment over humility and faith. He interpreted the silence as abandonment, rather than as a test of longing. The same opportunity that could have brought him redemption instead sealed his downfall.

We, too, are constantly confronted by this choice. Will we interpret life’s difficulties as rejection—or as Hashem drawing out our inner cry?

May we be zokheh to see through the illusion, to choose longing over despair, and to respond to every pushback with emunah, yearning, and joy. Then the wall of Keter becomes a gate to Hashem’s infinite compassion.

This article also appears on the BRI breslov.org website: https://breslov.org/feeling-unwanted/ 

For a video presentation of this article: https://youtu.be/kVFtd8zQo2s

Help support Breslov Therapy: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/breslovtherapy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

This class is based on Likutey Moharan lesson 24. For more on this lesson: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/breslovtherapy_lesson_24⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Shabbat Shalom.

Meir Elkabas

Parshat Chukat - The Snake Test

 BH

Parshat Chukat: The Snake, the Silence, and the Secret of Redemption

This week’s Parshah, Parshat Chukat, brings together both heartbreak and healing. It contains the deaths of Miriam and Aharon, the decree against Moshe and Aharon that they will not enter the Land of Israel, and a mysterious episode involving deadly snakes and a copper serpent that heals. Beneath the surface of this strange narrative lies a profound spiritual teaching about silence, yearning, and the test of entering the Land of Israel.

Complaint at the Edge of Redemption

After Aharon’s passing on Hor HaHar—identified by the Midrash as a mountain with a smaller mountain atop it, located in present-day Petra—the Jewish people journeyed backward toward the Red Sea, circumventing Edom. This detour demoralized them. Already weary and still far from their goal, they felt that history was repeating itself. Once again, they seemed to be retreating instead of advancing toward the Promised Land.

This emotional collapse led to a familiar outburst: complaints. They spoke harshly against Hashem and Moshe, equating the two: “Why did You bring us out of Egypt to die in this wilderness? There is no bread, no water, and we’re sick of this manna!” Their complaint targeted the very sustenance that had miraculously sustained them—the manna—describing it as a food that would eventually erupt in their stomachs, Heaven forbid.

The Fiery Serpents and Their Spiritual Message

In response, Hashem sent nechashim (snakes) and serafim (burning serpents) to bite the people. Many died. The survivors quickly recognized their error and begged Moshe to intercede. Moshe, despite being the target of their complaints, immediately prayed on their behalf.

Hashem then commanded Moshe to fashion a saraf – a burning serpent – and mount it on a pole. Anyone bitten who gazed upon it would be healed. But Moshe, taking initiative, created a nechash nechoshet—a copper snake—instead. The Torah uses both terms, nechash and saraf, and the Zohar explains the distinction: the nechash represents the sin of speaking against Hashem; the saraf represents the sin of speaking against Moshe. Hashem instructed Moshe to create a saraf to emphasize the affront to Moshe’s own honor, but Moshe—choosing humility—responded with a nechash, identifying the deeper root: the damage caused by losing faith in Hashem.

The word nechash is made of two parts: Nun (50) and Chash (silence). The Nun represents the 50th Gate—Shaar HaNun, associated in Rebbe Nachman’s teachings with the Keter, the supernal crown and highest of the sefirot. The Keter grants access to the Infinite Light but tests a person by pushing them back. The proper response is chash—silence. The test of the Keter is to hold back, to trust, to remain quiet even in the face of pain and confusion. The people failed this test. Instead of internalizing the suffering and turning it into longing, they lashed out. The snake—the nechash—was both punishment and remedy, a reminder of the silence that could have drawn down the very light they needed.

Life constantly sends us tests that push us to the brink. The snake reminds us that silence in suffering is not weakness; it’s the gateway to the greatest light!

Lifting the Snake, Elevating the People

According to the Midrash Tanchuma, Moshe didn’t just set the copper snake on the pole. He first erected the pole and then threw the copper snake upward, and miraculously it wrapped itself around the pole and remained there. This act of throwing it upward symbolized the potential for the Jewish people to be uplifted again—through repentance and reconnection to Hashem.

But what did looking at the snake actually do? The Gemara in Rosh Hashanah asks: “Does a snake cause death or give life?” It answers that gazing at the snake prompted the people to lift their eyes to Heaven and subdue their hearts before their Father in Heaven. The snake wasn’t the source of healing—it was the trigger for introspection and teshuvah.

The Alshich HaKadosh reveals a hidden gem in the wording of the Torah. When Moshe placed the copper snake on the pole, the verse says vay’simehu al haness—“and he placed it on the pole.” The Hebrew words vay’simehu and haness contain within them additional four letters of Hashem’s name: Yud–Hei–Vav–Hei. This hidden name symbolizes the full rectification of the damage caused by speaking against Hashem. By looking at the nechash, they were reminded of what they had violated—and what they could reclaim.

The Real Test: Remaining Silent

Ultimately, this entire episode was about preparation for entering Eretz Yisrael. The Land of Israel is not just a place—it is the home of the Beit HaMikdash, the Kodesh HaKodashim, and the foundation stone from which the Infinite Light enters the world. To be worthy of such a place, one must be able to receive its light—through silence, faith, and inner strength.

Had the people remained silent in the face of challenge, they would have accessed the Keter—the 50th Gate—and drawn down the light needed to enter the Land. Instead, they failed. But the lesson remains: life constantly sends us tests that push us to the brink. The question is whether we will lash out—or hold back. Whether we’ll react—or turn inward in yearning. The snake reminds us that silence in suffering is not weakness; it’s the gateway to the greatest light.

Shabbat Shalom. May we pass our tests with silence, faith, and strength—and be worthy of the light that awaits on the other side.

This article also appears on the BRI breslov.org website: https://breslov.org/the-snake-test/ 

For a video presentation of this article: https://youtu.be/WaZvwQY1_wM

Help support Breslov Therapy: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/breslovtherapy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

This class is based on Likutey Moharan lesson 24. For more on this lesson: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/breslovtherapy_lesson_24⁠⁠⁠

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Meir Elkabas

Parshat Shelach - Giving A Retort

 BH

The Age of Judgment and the Sin of Silence

This week’s Parshah opens with the tragic mission of the twelve spies. Sent to scout the Land of Israel, ten returned with slander and despair, leading the people to cry out against Moshe and against the Land itself. Only Yehoshua and Kalev remained faithful. Despite Moshe Rabbeinu’s attempts to advocate on behalf of the people, Hashem decreed a powerful punishment: those who had complained would not enter the Land.

The Age Cutoff: Why 20?

The decree was precise: “In this desert your corpses shall fall… from the age of twenty and up” (Bamidbar 14:29).

Yet not everyone perished. The entire tribe of Levi survived. Why? Because they were not counted from age 20 in the national census — their role was distinct. The Levites, beginning their service at age 30, were spared from the decree, both due to their holy function and their lack of involvement in the sin. The women too were spared, as was Kalev ben Yefuneh and Yehoshua bin Nun.

But why the age 20?

The Gemara stresses that while earthly courts begin judging individuals at age 13, the Heavenly Court does not begin judging until age 20. It is only from this age that a person becomes fully accountable before Hashem. Thus, the decree of death in the wilderness was not arbitrary. It reflected a deep principle: full responsibility brings full consequence.

The Secret of Twenty: Keter and the Test of Yearning

The Torah’s choice to mark age 20 as the cutoff for the decree in the desert reflects something deeper than mere age or maturity. Rebbe Nachman reveals that the number 20 — represented by the Hebrew letter Kaf — alludes to the Keter, the highest of the ten sefirot. The Keter is the “crown,” the gateway between the Infinite Light of Hashem and the revealed world below.

What Is the Keter?

Keter is not accessible. It is above understanding. Like a king’s crown, it rests above the head — it gives authority and power, but remains untouchable. The Zohar teaches that the very word “Keter” cannot be spelled without the letter Kaf, which symbolizes bending and humility. Rav Yaakov Meir Schechter notes that the shape of the Kaf — curved and modest — teaches that to access the Keter, a person must be willing to bend, to surrender, to submit.

When a person lowers themselves and says, “I don’t understand, but I still want You, Hashem,” they become a vessel for the Keter’s light — the light of hope, renewal, and infinite possibility. Rebbe Nachman teaches that Keter brings a person clarity, direction, and breakthroughs in places that seem completely closed. But to receive it, you must be tested first.

The Test of Rejection

The test of the Keter is being pushed back. When you try to grow spiritually, to change, to come closer to Hashem — and things only seem to get worse — that’s the Keter at work. If you despair, complain, or run away, you’ve failed. But if you respond with yearning — “Hashem, all I wanted was You!” — then even your setback becomes a vessel to receive the Infinite Light.

Reb Noson explains this in Prayer 24: the key to enduring the Keter’s test is ratzon — raw, unfiltered desire. It’s not a complaint. It’s a tearful plea from a child to his Father: “All I wanted was to come close.” That sincerity, that broken-hearted cry, is the retort that wins. It opens the gates.

We must open our mouths in prayer, in protest, and in yearning. When we do, we align ourselves with the Infinite Light, and we become vessels for redemption!

The Punishment of the Silent Majority

With this in mind, the decree against those over 20 becomes clearer. The Midrash teaches that not everyone over 20 openly rebelled or slandered the Land. Some stood silently. But silence, in the face of falsehood, is complicity.

They had already reached the age of Heavenly judgment — twenty — and with that came a greater expectation. The sin of the spies wasn’t just about words. It was a national failure of desire. Only Kalev and Yehoshua demonstrated yearning and longing to enter the Land. The rest — even if they did not speak against it — failed to express their yearning for Eretz Yisrael and for Hashem. And so, they too were judged.

The Sin of Silence: Failing the Test of Keter

The decree that struck down an entire generation in the desert raises a difficult question: Is that fair? Many of those punished didn’t participate in the slander. They didn’t insult Moshe Rabbeinu or complain. They simply stayed silent. So why were they included?

The answer is piercing: because they remained silent. They witnessed the attack on Eretz Yisrael and Moshe, and said nothing. The Torah demands more. Especially from those over 20 — the age of spiritual accountability, the age connected to the Keter.

The Weight of Responsibility

Remaining silent during a time of national crisis is not neutrality — it’s failure. When the spies slandered the Land and the people wept, Kalev and Yehoshua stood up. Kalev quieted the crowd, boldly reminding them of the miracles they had seen. Yehoshua declared, “We will succeed!” They retorted. And because they did, the Torah says they were granted life. Literally: their lives were spared because they opened their mouths in defense of Hashem and His Land.

Everyone else — those who didn’t attack, but also didn’t defend — they failed the test of the Keter.

Keter Requires a Response

Keter is the entry point to Hashem’s Infinite Light. And the test of the Keter is rejection. Delay. Confusion. A lack of clarity. When others mock the truth or give up hope, your job is not to sit passively. Your job is to speak — to retort, to cry out, to express your ratzon.

If you do nothing, you’re allowing the darkness to prevail. Silence, in the realm of the Keter, is guilt. It’s a denial of your Divine mission.

Speaking to Hashem and to the World

Sometimes the retort must be to Hashem Himself: “I only wanted to come close to You. Please help me.” Sometimes it must be to others: “This isn’t right. I won’t stay silent.” Either way, the Jew’s role is to respond.

Too often, fear stops us — fear of being judged, fired, criticized, or ignored. But Rebbe Nachman teaches that when you speak truth, the Keter protects you. Truth carries its own shield.

The generation in the desert was tested with the opportunity to enter Eretz Yisrael, the future home of the Beit HaMikdash and the Infinite Light of Hashem. But instead of retorting against the slander, most remained quiet. And in doing so, they lost everything.

So what does this mean for us today? It means we can’t afford to stay quiet—whether in our personal battles, our spiritual struggles, or when we see truth being trampled. The test of the Keter is still alive. And just like Yehoshua and Kalev, we must open our mouths—in prayer, in protest, in yearning. When we do, we align ourselves with the Infinite Light, and we become vessels for redemption. May we be zocheh to pass the test, to speak with truth and courage, and to help bring the light of the Keter into this world. 

This article also appears on the BRI breslov.org website: https://breslov.org/giving-a-retort/ 

For a video presentation of this article: https://youtu.be/GpbLrgS2aPE

Help support Breslov Therapy: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/breslovtherapy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

This class is based on Likutey Moharan lesson 24. For more on this lesson: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠linktr.ee/breslovtherapy_lesson_24⁠⁠

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⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠#breslov⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠#breslovtherapy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠#rebbenachman⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠#rebnoson⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠#likuteymoharan⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠#likuteyhalakhot⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠#likuteytefilot⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠#meirelkabas⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠#simcha⁠

Shabbat Shalom

Meir Elkabas